Cockroaches! How dare they mount an attack on an innocent sailor and his wife? Pirates like these are harder to deal with than those on two legs. I mean, you can shoot a pirate with a flare pistol, or shove a machete where the sun don’t shine, but try that with a cockroach and you do a lot of damage to the boat.
The biggest cockroaches I ever saw came aboard in Gibraltar and were known by everyone on that bit of England in the Med as ‘Bombay Runners’. Hitting them with a deck shoe made them happy and playful. Dowsing them with Baygon, well, they thought it an aperitif. Having a mahogany ‘Sylvester Stallone’ run over your face while sleeping made for a night to remember. Waking to find them chewing your toenails was hardly an improvement, either. So big were the cockroaches in Gibraltar that you could hear them marching through the lockers—in formation.
The worst plague of cockroaches I ever saw was on a boat in St. Maarten’s Simpson Bay Lagoon and it belonged to a friend. He was leaving the boat for a month to return to the land of his birth (no names, but he’s Australian) and asked if we would keep an eye on the boat while he was away. On leaving, he gave me a note to say he had let off several ‘aerosol bombs’ below and closed the hatches to get rid of a ‘few’ cockroaches.
A week later, I opened the boat. The stench was overpowering and corpses were piled knee deep on every surface. There must have been thousands, a whole army, an entire nation of cockroaches. He had killed so many that I reckon the King of the Cockroaches would be after him for ever.
Scientists say nothing can eradicate cockroaches and they will survive World War Three
… Scientists should visit our boat and meet my wife!