I have noticed a dramatic increase in strange behavior over the last few months and though I believe the living dead have always been amongst us, aye, and tolerated as long as they left us alone, there as been a cosmic shift, something has caused them to multiply and now they threaten our very existence.
What is so terrifying is that to infect you, to turn you into one of them: brainless, dead yet not dead, they don’t have to touch you, they can do it from six cars back.
I myself am fighting off an infection after being attacked by the living dead on Airport Road. I still have the symptoms, my ears are ringing but loving care and red wine have worked their magic and the ringing is now muted and hopefully will soon go away. I have been told, by another survivor of a zombie attack, that if you fight off an ‘undead’ infection, it boosts your resistance to further attacks by leaving you slightly deaf. So I am no longer worried about my loss of hearing.
Perhaps you will be lucky like me and be saved, but then again …
Here are some tips that might keep you from joining the living dead:
Carry good quality ear plugs in your car but only wear them when you know you are facing attack. Wearing them all the time is dangerous as you might not hear them coming until it is too late.
Do not let zombies get closer than six car lengths. The danger increases exponentially.
You are in extreme danger once your car begins to pulsate and your heart feels like it’s about to drop out your backside and roll down your trouser leg. At this point you will become infected unless you take immediate steps to remove yourself from the dreadful attack of the zombie’s sub woofers. Remember, in St. Martin, it’s OK to suddenly pull out into oncoming traffic and overtake a line of cars even though there is no space for you to pull back in. It took me a while to come to grips with such dangerous driving but now I realize that people are just fleeing from the zombies, and now use this tactic myself.
If a zombie should manage to pull in behind you, do not look in your rear view mirror. Never lock eyes with the undead, instead, immediately launch yourself out of the car and run at right angles away from the road. A zombie will not follow you; they cannot leave their pulsating cars. Running parallel to the line of traffic may spell doom. In St. Martin, driving along the sidewalk or the wrong way down a one-way street is acceptable and the undead know this. Leaving your car at the side of the road to have all four wheels stolen is a far better option than being turned. Wheels can be replaced, your brain cannot.
Never follow a zombie thinking they can be overpowered. There is no silver bullet and they may lead you, like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, to the zombies’ lair, which is thought to be in the hills above Marigot. Once there, you will be dragged from your vehicle, your sound system will be removed and replaced with one from hell and you will spend the rest of your days driving the streets of the Friendly Island with your sub woofer hanging out, your car pulsating and a death’s-head grin on your face.